2016-17 NBA Season Week 4 Recap: Orlando Magic
Thanksgiving, or as I like to call it, “White People Still Not Seasoning Their Food Thursdays,” is rapidly approaching, meaning there will be plenty of drunk uncles trying to finger pop your girl under the dinner table. But don’t fret; he’ll be asleep by halftime of the 4 o’clock NFL game. Never mind that, Thanksgiving gives us a time to be thankful so allow me to run off a series of things I am thankful for.
• My mother’s baked mac & cheese
• Blue Magic hair grease
• The tie section at Marshall’s
However, there are some aspects of life I am not particularly thankful for.
• The Puerto Rican niggas on my block that stole the emblem off my car.
• The Spanish lady that prays with the customers at work.
• 2016 Orlando Magic Basketball
Let me explain, I love the Magic with all of my heart. I would be devastated if the team were to ever pack up and leave to stink up another city. But man, through 14 games they are 6-8, which is worse than it looks on the surface considering the fairly easy schedule they have faced. The Magic are dead last in the league in points per 100 possessions (95.7). The early season defensive woes seem to be improving as Orlando sees themselves ranked 13th in the league in points allowed per 100 possessions (102.5).
vs. New Orleans Pelicans
Magic played against the Brow-less Pellies, which should have been a blowout. But we’re talking about the Magic here so let’s lessen the expectations. Orlando shot just 39% in another poor offensive showing. If any one of the players from the Pelicans started working at my job, I swear to you I would not know who they were, but yet they gave the Magic a game. Ibaka scored 16 points while Vucci Mane scored 10 points to go along with 14 rebounds. Pelicans threatened late in the 2nd half to further shame the Magic but Orlando ultimately held on for a 89-82 win.
vs. Dallas Mavericks
The Mavs without Dirk Nowitzki in uniform came to take on Orlando. Off rip, this looked like one of the games you sim through on 2k. 17-16 was the first quarter tally. You read that right, 17 points to 16 points. In what has become somewhat of a trend, Vogel chose to close the game with DJ Augustin at the guard position instead of starter, Elfrid Payton. Augustin paid big dividends, finishing with a team-high 18 points, 10 of which were scored in the 4th quarter. Mavericks rookie Johnathan Gibson (who?) lit the Magic up for 26 points but had little help from Mark Cuban’s sorry bunch. Magic held on for a 95-87 victory.
vs. Milwaukee Bucks
I checked my phone while at the hibachi spot to see the Magic up 17-4 on the Bucks. But, we have been through this exercise in futility plenty of times already during this young season. It seems like struggling teams figure shit out against Orlando. NBA heads have been calling for Jabari to expand his game and start shooting the 3. Of course he figured that out against Orlando, hitting five trey pounds for 22 points in the game. Giannis fucked around and caught his first triple double body of the season totaling 21 points, 10 rebounds and 10 assists. The magic coughed up the early lead and never seemed to fully recover. Ibaka scored 21 points on 54% shooting and grabbed 8 rebounds. Jeff Green was worthless again. Side note: Does he have a fan club out there? If so, fuck y’all! I want my money back. Anyway, Orlando let this one slip. Milwaukee 93, Orlando 89.
Hopefully all the turkey, yams, and coquito can rid my palate of the horrid taste the Magic left in my mouth this past week. Y’all stay cool and heed Al Patron’s Thanksgiving Day Commandments. Amen.