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Far from timid • Caveat Lector

Disney Fathers Suck

Disney Fathers Suck

People love Disney movies, the songs, the magic, the merriment;. the brave stories of little boys and girls disobeying their parents. In essence that's what all Disney movies are about. A child being told what not to do and then deliberately disobeying their parent's by doing it anyway. This wild child trope is used in almost every Disney movie we know and love and the one thing they all have in common is, all of the father's suck.

 

I stumbled upon this idea when I was watching one of their latest films "Moana" with my god daughter. Now anyone with eyes can see that Moana is special, her grandmother Tala sees it but of course her short sighted father Tui does not. Tui is hardheaded, I guess you can say within reason, but he refuses to let her go beyond the reef in attempt to save the village. Something his punk ass didn't think to do himself. That's when it hit me, Disney fathers suck! No really, I had to sit down and analyze my favorite movies and each and every one the father is a short sighted bull headed moron. 

Let's start with my all time favorite move The Lion King. Now before we all get upset because I know how we feel about Mufasa, understand that for all of his wisdom he really dropped the ball, several times. Mufasa should have banished Scar a long time ago, clearly he was a hater and would do anything to become King. Which includes killing Mufasa and his heir to the throne. On top of that instead of being honest with his son and telling him that the shadowy place was an elephant graveyard and that's where his enemies are, he just strictly forbade him from going, end of story. Wrong. Simba in all of his impressionable youthfulness just HAD to go and see what was the big deal about a darker shaded area of the pride lands because of course, he'd soon be King. Which almost led to his death but ultimately led up to his father's demise. 

Next up, Aladdin. Now I know the movie is centered around the lovable street rat named Aladdin and his hobo heart of gold but can we take some time to focus on the bumbling idiot Sultan? The Sultan in Aladdin is the ruler of Agrabah and his daughter Princess Jasmine needs a suitable suitor to help rule when the Sultan is long gone. However, no one wonders how this man even became Sultan in the first place?! His royal adviser, Jafar is obviously up to no good. I mean seriously who walks around with a parrot on their shoulders in the desert? Jasmine isn't feeling the idea of being shopped around like a flat screen on Ebay, and Sultan lets the first man on an elephant throwing gold in an impromptu parade/bizarre get a crack at his only child. Seriously the only person who cares about where "Prince Ali" formerly known as Aladdin comes from is Jafar. Sure he's an evil hater with his own designs for the throne but Sultan doesn't even pull out a map or a globe to verify this rich stranger barging into his home without an invite?! Not to mention he has no idea that his daughter almost got her arm chopped off in the market for stealing an apple to feed one of Agrabah's many desolate children. Sultan has no idea what's going on outside of the Palace walls and I'm pretty sure you can distract him with anything shiny.

In Finding Nemo Marlin has all reasons to be an overprotective father because of the tragic loss of his wife Coral and the death of his 75 sum odd egg babies. However he goes from being overprotective to down right maddening obsession over his only son. Nemo couldn't drop a deuce without his dad swimming over his head. Yes, Nemo had a wonky fin which made him kind of a weak swimmer but damn he wasn't crippled. Marlin was so overbearing he pretty much embarrassed Nemo on a school trip which caused him to lash out and get too close to the boat. It's Nemo's act of bravery and defiance which causes him to get kidnapped but I'm pretty sure he would have been okay if Marlin didn't push him to the edge.

I can literally go on all day on the ineptitude of Disney Father's from Beauty and The Beast to the Little Mermaid. Hopefully I opened a few eyes and some of you will go back and watch these classics and realize, man these guys suck at being Father's.   

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