OPUS Mag

Far from timid • Caveat Lector

Fuck Out My Face: People Who Use Their Middle Initial

Fuck Out My Face: People Who Use Their Middle Initial

“Very important & very pretentious…” – Beige Canadian

Just who the fuck do you people think you are? I hate all you fake bourgeois motherfuckers using your middle name to come off as you’re the most important thing since fried chicken. For example, Stephen A. Smith, there’s no doubt in my mind the A. is for asshole. Matter of fact, you people are the worst type of people on earth; there’s no doubt in my mind that you’re the same people who spell out every word like this, “F for fuck, O for out, M for my, F for face” bunch of morons.

OPUS Mag’s own Kevin A. Lewis & Andrew L. Case are just prime examples of what type of monsters we’re dealing with here. I can somewhat understand if you’d like to distinguish yourself from a “famous” person or cuz it’s such a common name but you fuckheads aren’t aristocrats or positive members of some secret high society. I’m of the opinion that people who use their middle initial do so in order to impress other people at aquariums or some bullshit. Fuck out my face.

Like what would happen to you if someone said your name without using your middle initial? Would you not reply? Notice how nobody calls Stephen Smith, “Stephen”? They HAVE to call him “Stephen A.” for motherfucking what? First of all, what the fuck is a Stephen? It’s Steven! Oh no, if you call him “Stephen” his mustache would stop looking like a police sketch? Ever notice people who use their middle initial always have a stupid fucking haircut? Steven Smith has a receding hairline, with an afro, blowout, tape-up and a male pattern baldness reminiscent of George Jefferson when he 1st moved on up but nothing my lack of patience with Steve has.

Imagine if a person who used their middle initial committed a crime and there were wanted posters all over the community? How easy would it be to catch them? So not only are they fucking criminals, they’re not that bright. “Yo, you seen how my nigga David C. Williams stole all those boneless wings wearing a dad hat?” If they had kept it calm and relaxed their limbs, David Williams could have been anybody in the school district and got away with their heinous crimes. Think about how fucked up middle initials are, Lil’ Wayne didn’t start calling himself the best rapper alive until he grew a middle initial, Weezy F. Baby. He dead rapped some lies to our ears and we all bought it because of his middle initial, think about it. They’re pathological liars and bad rappers and criminals and loud moth sportscasters; fuck you and your fucking middle initial,. Get the fuck out my face.

Next week, it’s time to bring class back to our community by ridding ourselves of hookers with French Tip manicures.

 

 

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