OPUS Mag

Far from timid • Caveat Lector

Fuck Out My Face: White Socks

Fuck Out My Face: White Socks

“Got my chrome to the side of his White Sox hat…” – Dr. Dre

The only White Sox I acknowledge are the hats Dr. Dre & Snoop Doggy Dogg still have me wearing till this very day. It takes a real dingy motherfucker to wear white socks, pardon me, dingy swaggerless motherfucker to wear white socks, think about it. White socks are police socks and it’s been fuck the police. As much as I dislike his commentary, Chris Webber & his Fab 5 at Michigan started the trend of black socks with the black sneakers. It was a statement of power; unity and it just so happen that it looked fly. NBA teams eventually adopted the tradition of wearing black socks because even that white socks are the mayonnaise of sporting apparel.

It’s summer now, if I’m not wearing no-show socks, I’m not wearing any socks and guess what? Those no-show socks won’t be white, why? Well, I’m not the police, I’m not a mailman and I’m not a Starbucks barista. I hate white socks so much that I’ll wear church socks with log pants before I wear them. White socks are the pickles of the foot community and I’m not having it.

Now some will say, “Al, how about when the women wear the thigh high joints?” Well, who is really looking at the socks in that case? And even then I appreciate a black more than anything. Nothing says sexy like the bottom of her socks being linty and a hint of dingy brown.

I’m a whole Haitian, imagine me being on a boat or at a cookout with shorts that come down to my shins and white tube socks like I’m a 12 year old grunge skating dude from Seattle. Why don’t you grow up and put on some socks that have character to them; shouts to Stance.

Respect your limbs and stop wearing white socks, for yourself, your community and for The Fab 5.

Next week, I finally get “boneless” wings the fuck out my face forever. You all have pushed me to this!

 

 

 

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