OPUS Mag

Far from timid • Caveat Lector

YOU GOT BLACK PEOPLE FUCKED UP

YOU GOT BLACK PEOPLE FUCKED UP

“That’s some white people shit…” – US (that’s not the United States, that’s US as in BLACK PEOPLE, dumb ass.)

Without black women, I would’ve never corrected a lot of my behavior; most people just berated and judged me. Once again, black women did a job they shouldn’t have had to but without complaining and I’m more than eternally thankful for you. Black women have a broader, more well rounded view of the world and I didn’t understand what black power truly meant until I started fully appreciating black women because they’re the definition. Black women being there for me, defending me and making me better is not and will not be the only reason I will be the only reason I recognize their power. Without so much asking for a thank you, black women jump to our defense, regardless of how we’ve treated, spoken of or acted out towards them. Now add the police killing a black man in front of a black woman and their black daughter; how are black woman (already leery of us because a lot of you fuckheads refuse to acknowledge them for who/what they are) supposed to trust that we can defend them? The fuck ass police and other fuckheads have made it so black women feel helpless and defenseless regardless of how sincere we are about defending them because the fuck ass police and others have provided visual proof. The helpless feeling I have trying to ease the unsettled minds/feelings of black women and their safety is nothing compared to their actual minds/feelings for their safety. Understand this, the fuck ass police and others have got us fucked up if they think we won’t go the extra mile to bring a peace of mind to black women. When I say “we” I’m talking for the black men like me and trust that I don’t incite any idea that I won’t always literally recite myself. I know words may feel hollow in times like this but black women, they got me all the way fucked up if they think I won’t hold it down till the death of me and that’s not martyr talk, it’s the least I can do for you but it’ll be the most to them if the fuck around and cross that line with you all.

I feel like a psychopath because while watching my nephew and protecting his innocence, I have to let the police and others know their blatant and despicable guilt has got me fucked up. I’m not incapable of being two things but the weight of the two have me feeling like a common sociopath. I think of all the parents of black children; day in & day out they have to protect the innocence of their children while wondering when will the world turn on their kids because the same hateful bigotry is being taught to other kids who will grow up to oppress their children for simply existing in color, while having to go to work and function amongst some who probably are teaching these hateful narratives that endanger their children, and while having to find the time to eat, sleep and maintain some semblance of sanity. It’s not fair to you and I’m sorry you have to deal with it. As a kid we’re taught to see policemen as “heroes”, now think of that little 4-year old black girl who saw this supposed “hero” murder her actual black male hero right in her face. What innocence is there left to protect? What imagination will that little black girl grow up to have? The fuck ass police and others got us fucked up if they think we’re going to allow our kids, nieces and nephews to “play” cops & robbers when all cops do is rob us of our lives.

Black men, I know it feels wild right now; there’s literally a target on all of our backs. Every day, week, month, year and all of our black ass lives we been fucked with for simply existing as black. The fuck ass police and others literally value us as less than with how they look, talk and walk around us but that’s fear. We are the superior man and black supremacy isn’t an ideology; this shit is real. “The black man in America is the most copied man on this planet…everybody wanna be a nigga but nobody wanna be a nigga.” Paul Mooney isn’t a liar, they fear us because they can’t control us, and so they kill us after they copy us. I get how hard it is but consider how tough black women are for us, they deserve reciprocation 800-fold and this still after we jump on the front line for them because they need us; how many more ways do we need black women to ask? Our black children, nieces and nephews need us, not to only protect their innocence as black kids but to teach them how to grow up to be black adults and never feel inferior to fuck ass police or others because of their ideologies. They got us all the way fucked up if they think we’re not going to be who we are meant to become because they try to mentally defeat us by physically killing our brothers AND sisters. We need to be present and not fall back when they attack; they count on this approach. We need to stand up for black women, for black children and our black ass selves (including each other, not just for self) and mentally exhaust the fuck ass police and others with our relentless spirit; we have all of our beautiful black women and beautiful black kids counting on us.

You got black people fucked up if you think we won’t take care of our side and let you all slide in the process. YOU GOT BLACK PEOPLE FUCKED UP.

The fuck ass police always feel “threatened” by the presence of black people; riddle me this, why would you sign up to become an “authority” figure? I’ve never experienced the fuck ass police crossing the street to avoid walking by a group of black people before but I damn sure have crossed the street to avoid walking by a group of fuck ass police before, who is the real threat here? I’ve never seen the fuck ass police slow down their vehicle when they noticed someone black as means to not interact with them but I have slowed down my vehicle when I’ve noticed the fuck ass police as means to not interact with them, who is the real threat here? The fuck ass police always claim we’re resisting them; we’re not resisting we’ve seen you all in action and refuse to die without a fight because we’re not as bitch made as you. Fuck the fuck ass police; I wouldn’t call 911 if I knew the number. I wasn’t born with hate in my heart nor was I ever taught any, yet somehow I’ve learned to sincerely hate the fuck ass police, how? Because the fuck ass police were taught and implement hate towards us and I’ve extended the courtesy of reciprocation. Do I applaud the fuck ass police dying? Absolutely not, I have no malice in my heart but do I care if/when they die? No. The fuck ass police have tried to desensitize me time and time again, then turn around and wonder where my sympathy is? I understand the concept of not stooping to their level but I’m not stooping, this is the tangled web they’ve fucking weaved me into; fuck the fuck ass police, you got me fucked up.

White people, I don’t hate you but you got me fucked up too. I’m talking about the ones that would call the police because they see me in their neighborhood, even if I’m their neighbor. I’m talking the ones who think using nigga in any capacity is ok and rather give me their defense than understand my black anger towards their white arrogance. Especially these white women who are fucking black men and think because their favorite rapper uses the word in a song they have free reign to say it cuz they suck on black dick; fuck you, I’m not the nigga to play with or listen to your nonsensical reasoning and fake defense for your insensitivity of my real black anger. Trust, any black guy who doesn’t check your ditzy dusty foot head ass off the rip isn’t my nigga to begin with so you both got me fucked up. To the others, I surely appreciate your empty sympathy masked as empathy but your white tears aren’t holy water and you also clearly have black people fucked up. Kudos to you for “standing up” for us, you have no idea what it feels like and I’m tired of being black and running behind a white voice being viewed as some type of real nigga for talking what we all been living. You got black people fucked up, you steal the way our women wear their hair, their style and their terminology and appropriate it as your own; you can get the fuck out my face with your white tears, they’re unseasoned like your bland ass chicken. You can try to understand us and try to support what we go thru but you are not we & never will be. These white men who eat off our culture (yes we own this culture, we are this culture) got us fucked up too. I’ve run into these types at protests (which are important) and had to be restrained from causing more than 1 of you physical harm. Who restrained me and talked me out of it? A black woman of course, who else? Y’all got me fucked up white people; you don’t understand me, go cry in your privilege because we’ve been screaming equality since the dawn of civilization but now since you love our music, style etc. you want to appear to care? Fuck you; you just don’t want niggas dying so you have more of us to steal culture from. Our talent is entertaining but our lives are not your entertainment. You got black people fucked up.

Latinos, you got black people fucked up too. I know way too many Latinos who will correctly or incorrectly deny being black but turn around and use the word nigga towards black people and themselves. Here’s the thing, you’re not a nigga, you don’t claim nigga, and you don’t have nigga feelings. Latino parents don’t want/let their children date black people but y’all some niggas? Y’all only want to be niggas until some nigga shit happen and then you take your dragon jeans right back to Telemundo. We stand up for you all Latinos but where are you for us? You got black people fucked up.

I’m tired of being told what to do, how to feel, when to react and who to say it to. I’m tired of everyone voicing an opinion on everyone’s opinion about the bullshit but never on the actual bullshit. I’m tired of our women being intimidated and scared of the thought of not having us to protect them. I’m tired of wondering what will happen to my nephew by the time he becomes my age and if he can protect my neices. I’m tired of having to tell my mother I’m ok when I’m not because I want to calm her down instead of actually being ok. I’m tired of being tired but I’m never and will never be tired of being black or letting you know that you have me and black people fucked up.

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