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The Cold War of Insecure

The Cold War of Insecure

I know I'm not the only one looking forward to bringing 2017 in. 2016 has been one for the books but besides all the follies and tragedies on this year there was some reason for celebration with the black excellence displayed in media. This week has been simplest to say, interesting after the final moments of HBO's new hit series Insecure finale aired. The finale drew many what if's and debates amongst men & women about the Lawrence's reaction to his girlfriend Issa adultery. Why did this Cold War between the sexes emerge due to the men celebrating Lawrence choosing not to forgive Issa and piping his way to a new roof?

Following the episode social media went into an uproar, women generally sadden and disappointed by Lawrence petty and brash exit from the apartment. Various narratives emerged as women tried to tweet it out but one in particular was most laughable, the victimization of Issa.

The "Worldstar" era we presently reside is no stranger to seeing cheaters exposed, both men and women. The beauty of Insecure however was how one or many pieces of the show were relatable. Cheating and the aftermath clearly became the hottest show topic so when Lawrence didn't take Issa back with open arms for some reason women felt as he was at fault because "if the roles were reversed Issa would of took him back." With their poor attempt to be party poopers as men celebrated Lawrence moving out women then began to review his boyfriend resume. I won't sit here and lie that women are very forgiving but that doesn't mean all men are Lawrence. I have personally held interventions with friends in unhealthy relationships with serial Issa's. As their bro I try only once, the rest was on him. Women need to toss that role reversal narrative aside like America should do the state of Florida, because he made a choice. If women generally take their cheating boyfriend's back that's their choice, you have a vision for that relationship but it doesn't deserve a medal. Basically women want recognition for taking back a cheating boyfriend AND when they kick a cheating man to the curb, i.e. when Lemonade dropped. Sorry it doesn't work that way.

Another interesting aspect women used to justify Issa stepping out was Lawrence's employment struggles. From what we saw on the show, the lights were never cut off and there was food on the table. If he was really a financial burden how could they purchase that new bouch? I've been unemployed in a relationship before and it definitely can be a make or break situation depending on the goals on both parties. We know the relationship in the show wasn't fresh, so we can infer they have seen brighter days. However, once Issa decided to stay when Lawrence implemented a faulty plan to pursue his dreams she was all-in. Throwing Lawrence unemployment and Best Buy gig back at him as reasoning to cheat is actually very low ladies. Personally the unemployment topic should of been the most relatable and discussed topics with the current economic state of our generation.  We know that feeling, to do what our parents said to do, go to school, just to be let down with underemployment. Lawrence didn't want to settle, he thought being his girlfriend was loving and supporting she was willing to ride with him during his rough patch while he dream chased. I know ladies are capable of this type of support because Nicki didn’t leave Meek and Drake gave him a rough couple of weeks. Being the good, compromising boyfriend Lawrence was, he took a dead end job (for some) but still she is justified to cheat? I know some ladies who can't even get their man to put the toilet seat down. That outlook is very undermining and selfish to Lawrence and all unemployed boyfriends, unless he just chilled everyday while Issa brought home the bacon. Looking for a job in today's market is a job.

During some discussions I held and read on Twitter it was nice to see that some women are at able to admit Issa is at fault but it came with some fine print. I've never seen this amount of analysis done to piece together why cheating occurred. This connects back to the aforementioned role reversal argument. Issa was unhappy and thought “scratching her itch” would bring her some sort of joy. Minutes after the deed she realized she made a mistake but still women have reasoned with her. Why aren't men granted the same compassion, especially being women are so "forgiving." A cheating man doesn't receive empathy to why he cheated, he just has to promise not to do it again and then she may take him back. Why wasn’t the debate turned into a discussion between men and women that communication during reconciliation is more important compared to just take her back because it was a mistake? Bush was president and now Trump is president-elect, mistakes can repeat themselves. Granted Lawrence didn't give Issa a real opportunity to get it off her chest but if she expressed her gripes to Lawrence instead of scratching her itch then possibly this whole ordeal could of been avoided.

The revenge sex scene was brief but spoke the loudest during the finale, partially because of sexy ass Tasha (Dominique Perry) moans, but it caused an 180 with many pro-Lawrence ladies. However that act officially made Lawrence a hero. Why are men and some women so happy to see Lawrence rise up from his broken heart? The shows narrative took simple relationship roles, flipped them and now it's a phenomenon like when Jesus turned water to wine.  I think it's safe to say we all know or heard of a Lawrence, a good guy who was done dirty. But it's rare a personal Lawrence you tried to save or hear about rises up like he did in the show. Issa gave us, men, a sign of hope, displayed that men can get hurt too but still prevail. Shouldn't women praise Lawrence the same way they did J. Lo in Enough or Angela Basset in Waiting to Exhale. (Extreme examples but an example nonetheless). This is a moment in film where a black man was the victim and didn’t succumb to stereotypes like domestic violence which was thrown out multiple times during the final episodes.

So yes, I praise Lawrence because even though he wasn't the perfect boyfriend, but he was a damn good boyfriend. He had all the time in the world to entertain distractions like the multiple times Tasha put the box on a plate for him, yet he stayed true to Issa. Focused on the long game he knew he would overcome this economic hurdle and give Issa the 110% she formerly deserved. So ladies you shouldn't dog Lawrence for deciding to leave, praise him for having the strength to step when his commitment was taken for granted. That strength is probably relatable with our personal encounters and relationships. Instead of the focus on Lawrence leaving this show draws a good discussion and self reflection on why the cheating even occurred. Why would Lawrence and Issa work when they were missing a key component of relationships, communication? With all the personal tidbits drawn from the themes and characters of the show, the lack of communication was rarely discussed. Imagine if Issa expressed her gripes with Lawrence instead of her girlfriends? So let’s stop trying to figure out who is right or wrong from the show and learn from one another ladies.

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