OPUS Mag

Far from timid • Caveat Lector

Barbershop Lies Vol. 3

Barbershop Lies Vol. 3

“Nah dead ass, her sister woulda let me hit too.”  - A Fucking Liar

It’s a Thursday afternoon; you and your “gang” are going to watch game 6 of the Finals at a spot and “get turnt”. So you decide to skip out of work early to get a new outfit because it’s summer and why the fuck not? You have your XM sweats on with your open toe sneakers and your dad hat on being as fashionable as you think you can be but you need a haircut; can’t have a clean outfit and look like Martin when he was in the temple. Now you’re at the barbershop…

You walk in, give a pound to all the barbers, except the dude who stays with an empty chair because if you shake his hand he won’t let go and force you to sit in his chair and let him fuck up your haircut, outfit, night and life. Your barber has nobody next so you think you’re the man today but let’s be real, you just happen to come at the right time and you still hold no weight. Anyhow, this is when it get’s muddy, a woman walks in with her son and she is FINE; not fine like “oh she aight”, no! FINE like, “I want to be a stay at home father for you” FINE.

So you tell your barber her son can go 1st because you want to make it seem like you have juice but we’ve established that you and your fuckhead dad hat hold no weight. However, your barber gives you a head nod like “ok you know she was going before you anyway cuz you legit hold no weight MC Tweet Tweet face”.

You did that to buy some time to talk to the foxy mama who has her kid in for a haircut. You start talking that dad hat wearing sweet talk in her ear and she’s laughing, you think you you the shit. You telling her, “You know this my man barbershop but you know how that go, I gave him the money to start it up”, she steps back and nods like she’s impressed and then…the kid asks the barber, “Daddy, why is that man in the dumb hat talking to mommy?” Now you sitting their with the ass face and backpedal, “My bad, no disrespect ma, I have to take this phone call.” Meanwhile all you doing is going on Twitter talking about, “My barber not even at the shop today, new hat alert”, while wearing your dusty ass dad hat.

Now you have to find a new barber who will respect you even less but you’ll just go into that shop lying and trying to pretend like you hold weight but not realizing you really bout to start all the way at the bottom of respect; all of this because you lied at the barbershop. 

Photo Series: 92 Bricks - 11th Brick

Photo Series: 92 Bricks - 11th Brick

Fuck Out My Face: Dad Hats

Fuck Out My Face: Dad Hats