GOOD NEWS: You're Never Getting Married
I was walking the streets of Paris and saw men and women holding hands. They were sneaking kisses in alleyways and lovingly feeding each other food in dimly lit cafes that played American r&b music. Long walks to the Eiffel Tower ended when I saw not one but TWO men propose at the iconic site. I found myself smiling and then immediately wanting to yell out “YOU’RE GOING TO REGRET THIS!!”
I don’t want to come off as a love hating spinster but… We’ve all been fed lies about how marriage is supposed to go and what we are supposed to bring to this highly coveted institution. So as a woman who has been married, I’m going to give you three reasons why you shouldn’t even bother.
1. You are crazy and no one should have to deal with that forever
Hear me out before you get defensive. You might think that you are a walk in the park but you are a lot crazier than you think. If you don’t believe me, ask your loved ones. You might be good on paper. We all have that Relationship Resume ready to spit when we have the “why am I single” moments. So it’s nice that you have all dem degrees and can fry chicken while twerking but nobody cares about that once your crazy is showing. It isn’t whether or not you are crazy, it’s what kind of crazy are you and how can you find someone whose crazy meshes best with yours. That won’t happen because you can’t even admit that you are crazy.
2. You are settling because the person you really want rejected you
Was that too harsh? Oh well… you can’t be trying to recreate memories with someone new and expect things to work out. Instead of healing and learning, we rush to the next because the thought of being single is simply unbearable (probably because you crazy- refer to #1).
3. You want the marriage your grandparents had but not all the outside kids
I married a Jamaican man in 2008 with romantic notions of us buying a summer home in Montego Bay. He joked that his dad hadn’t been back to Jamaica since the 70s and he was convinced that his dad had a “secret” family there. I don’t know if that was actually a joke now. Your grandma might’ve hated Papa. She probably knew the trollop who cradled your outside auntie. Did she spazz out? Of course not! Where was she gonna go? Gotta consider generational differences when you want that “dream” marriage. Nana might’ve wanted to leave Papa but she couldn’t so instead, your youngest uncle looks like the dude on the men’s choir instead of like everybody else. Deal with it.
So instead of rushing to the altar, take time to figure out who you really are because it is way easier to breakup than it is to get a divorce. Weddings ain’t cheap and you might slip up and have a kid with a lunatic then you really stuck. Don’t spend your twenties or even your thirties worried about getting married because it really is the ultimate hustle next to multiple baby showers but I’ll go into that another day
Disclaimer: I could be dead wrong. Hell I married a military dude and they’ll marry anybody so maybe my shit was just a fluke. I “won” one championship and have the nerve to talk crazy. Pay me no mind.