OPUS Mag

Far from timid • Caveat Lector

Show Up to HIS Job

Show Up to HIS Job

I’m not sure where these men get the nerve to act up from but it’s never a bad time to pop up at his place of employment. There are certain rules that should be followed and boundaries to adhere to but pop ups are not included. 

What do you have to hide? There’s no reason for you to call me from the bathroom to talk about it. I can politely ask Rosa at reception to have you paged to the front desk. Play with it. 

I have no problem sitting on the hood of your car at the end of your shift. You want to talk? Cool, we all want to hear what you have to say. Me and all of your work girlfriends. 

Have you ever opened up your lunch bag and found the boxer briefs that you left on the bathroom floor in it? Would you like to? You really don’t want to go down this road, babe.

Should I show up wearing your favorite apron and tell you that we’re having “carry in” then drop a bologna sandwich on the end breads, Tropical Fantasy juice and walk out?

Perhaps I should show up on your lunch break in workout gear since you claim that you like to go to the gym. We can both catch these gains. Or should I just set up the portable basketball goal in the employee break room since Ball Is Life.

Don’t make me read your work internal messaging system messages at the dinner table when you’re trying to enjoy your steak. Please explain to me why Cara and Renee are in your most recent contacts.

With all of those free electrical outlets available to you, there’s no reason for your phone to be dead at work. Take this Mophie and get yourself together before I assist you. 

Oh, there’s a work happy hour event? Count me in. You’re not getting saucy around these jezebels. We can be happy together for these few hours. 

Why do you need to call Tiffany from claims every time you have a question? Are you not able to do your job independently? Let me know. 

I don’t need Rhonda from the mailroom confiding in you for all of her relationship issues and needs. I’m sure she has a cousin or a janitorial associate friend who can help her. You need to just mind your business.

I don’t know why guys think that they’re the only ones off of their rockers. We DO this. It’s in a woman’s DNA to act a strategic fool when it comes to stuff like this. How do you think we’ve flourished for so many years? 

Never underestimate your girl’s crazy. More times than not, she’s really about that life. We make it look light but we heavy though! Tread lightly with the foolishness. Sometimes we have to turn up off of GP and we’re totally okay with that. It’s nothing against you but everything to do with how you move. 

Don’t get it twisted, I’m oh so sure within my shit but I like to keep honest people honest. 

Don’t push me. I’ll show up and show out.  

I won’t hold y'all up all day but please recognize the severity of the situation. It IS possible. It WILL happen if need be. 

You’ve been warned!

Photo Series | 92 Bricks: 9th Brick

Photo Series | 92 Bricks: 9th Brick

Tunnel Vision

Tunnel Vision