OPUS Mag

Far from timid • Caveat Lector

Theories: Larry David Vol. 1

Theories: Larry David Vol. 1

Larry attends a house showing wit Cheryl, after spending his day watching a "Maury" marathon in the hotel room. He's clearly tight about having to do real life shit at this point in his day, but he goes to make his wife happy. They arrive and the homeowner is giving them the tour, when Larry makes a joke about his dad being an Italian fisherman. Now, that joke is a direct result of his boredom if you know Larry, not necessarily a "lie". This is important to remember.

In walks Jay Schneider, reminding Larry that he use to pitch clients his way and announcing how he just signed Jason Alexander. Mid conversation, Larry tunes him out and compliments his sweater while feeling the texture with his index finger and thumb. Jay replies "yea it's Cashmere." "Cashmere? Really?" Larry asks. "Yea, 100%." Jay replies. Larry leaves it alone with a perplexed look on his face.

The tour concludes and Larry heads outside. He gives his opinion on the house, then he asks Cheryl and the realtor if they heard Jay proclaim that his sweater was 100% cashmere. Neither know where he's going with it, but I understood it completely. If a guy would lie about something as small as the percentage of fabric in his garments, he's not to be trusted with more pressing matters. This is why Larry probably never returned his calls back in the day, he could just tell Jay was a "lie about my blazer being velvet" face ass dude. If you would lie about the amount of cashmere in your sweater, I can't say that I'd trust you to make good life choices on a regular basis.

Back to the joke Larry told earlier; that joke was simply to provide himself entertainment and feel better about actually being there. He went on to joke about being able to shoot whale from the patio because he liked to eat blubber for breakfast. Larry was doing a service, to everybody, by telling those jokes. Jay flat out lied to look cooler than he actually was. Part of me wants to say he fronted that hard because Cheryl was standing there and she's bad, so he did some guy shit to show off. While I get it, I can't fuck with him and his method; and I understand why Larry wasn't with it.

Stop lying about the fabric in your sweater and start putting more respect on Larry David's existence.

Get Familiar: Lyssa Honey

Get Familiar: Lyssa Honey

The Thursday HIT (Honored In Time): Luchini (This Is It) - Camp Lo

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