OPUS Mag

Far from timid • Caveat Lector

The Truth About: Phil Jackson

The Truth About: Phil Jackson

“I’m a mill stackin nigga who pull quick, still packin, for you Phil Jackson niggas on that Bull-shit…” – Sauce Money (best verse on Reservoir Dogs)

Phil Jackson is a pimp and Sauce Money tried to warn us in 1998; Phil Jackson isn’t a genius, he’s a bullshit artist and who bullshits better than a pimp?  This is not to say that Phil had no parts in the 11 rings his teams have won because he is amazing at managing egos because he probably had/has the largest one in the room; like a pimp. Matter of fact, do me a favor, play Like a Pimp by David Banner right now and vibe out while reading the truth about Phil Jackson.

We know the stats, 11 rings, 6 with Chicago, 5 with L.A., coached the greatest player in the history of basketball in Michael Jordan, the greatest perimeter defender in the history of basketball in Scottie Pippen, the greatest overall rebounder and defender in NBA history in Dennis Rodman, the most dominant center in NBA history (relatively speaking) in Shaquille O’Neal, and the greatest impressionist of the greatest player in the history of basketball in Colorado Kob. Call me old-fashion but that seems like a hell of a lot of coincidence in calling Phil a genius. The “genius” thing Phil Jackson did was make these greatest to great players understand that they need each other (and him) in order to win.

Think about it, Phil would whistle as a coach, who else whistles like that? Pimps do when they’re getting their tricks in order. Remember when the Mavericks destroyed the Lakers and Bynum gave the forearm of doom to JJ Barera, notice how Phil walked smoove (with a v) off the court with a grin on his face? That’s what pimps do when their tricks start acting up in the brothel. Phil gave his players books and told them what they needed to hear in order to get the best performance out of them; call me Haitian but that sounds like a pimp turning tricks.

That’s the coach, who is part of the team, gets credit when they win, blame when they lose; so Phil should bask. Phil’s middle name is Douglas, when have you ever trusted anyone named Doug? Exactly! As the general manager of the Knicks Doug has told us little to nothing about his moves while playing up his “Zen” like approach but this is how pimps treats Johns. And if you’re a Knicks fan, you’re a John of the highest order. Listen, Doug got us Prozingis but here’s the thing, he supposedly told the Lakers they’d regret not taking him at 2; now was this a deflection because he wanted Russell (SnappyChatty) or is he really out here working for Madame Buss?

Pimpin’ Doug got my Knicks under the salary cap, has preserved all future draft picks and we actually had the biggest win jump in the NBA during the ’15-’16 with 15 more wins going from 17 to 32. Sounds like an admirable general manager for any other team but the Knicks and the circumstances surrounding the brothel known as MSG. Are we rebuilding? Are we a contender? Are we a rectangle? Obtuse? WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING?

Now I understand rushing and making rash decisions is almost law with the Knickerbockers but when you charge $43.97 for a chicken sandwich, we need to know what’s the good word with our franchise. Why? Because long after you fuck us over, we’re still going to be Knick fans and in the middle of the shit storm you created while you are still being paid and fucking the Madame of the NBA in L.A. We’re not running the offense you swear by anymore? Which technically belongs to Tex Winter and like a pimp, Doug just took credit for it. If the triangle is so hot & sexy why isn’t the MJ-owned Hornet team running it? The entire NBA is moving at 100 mph and we’re concentrated on running a half-court offense that doesn’t need a ball dominant point guard in a point guard league. Pimps may be up, hoes may be down but pimpin seems to be dying. So if we’re not running the triangle, why didn’t we hire Vogel? I knew we couldn’t hire Thibs because Dolan won’t allow him back in the brothel. So now Jeff Hornacek is our coach; Pimpin’ Doug gave us a coach whose nickname is Horny, think about it.

With the 15 years and counting of pain that we’ve suffered as Knick fans we just need to KNOW what’s going on. Understand we will all be Knick fans long after this regime comes to an end but as we’re living in it we need for Doug not to talk to us about being contenders and then turn around and sign Arron Afflalo. Pimpin’ Doug finessed the Hawks out of a 1st round pick for Tim Hardaway Jr. because pimpin been pimpin since pimpin but we get a point guard who happens to be the nephew of your former player? So pimpin is nepotism now too?

Listen here Pimpin’ Doug, we do not want Brandon Jennings, we do not want Evan Turner and check this out, we not even asking you to promise us KD at all but get basketball players who we don’t have to decide whether or not they’re over the hill or if they have enough “potential” because it seems the NBA has passed you by and while you’re collecting your millions Knick fans like myself would prefer to at the very least be entertained with a competitive team on the court. Doug is not a trustworthy person but the motto has been "In Phil We Trust", let's just hope Phil is the one running the show and not Pimpin' Doug.

Next week, it’s time to tell the truth about LeBron James.  

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