Needles For Free: A Bi-Polar Manic Episode - Series Finale
Well, they said I could go home tomorrow. I should say I’ll be released tomorrow. I have no home to go to. I called everyone since I’ve come back down, apologized and pleaded with them in attempt to secure a place to rest my head until I can find a new place that I can afford, but that’s not happening. They still say I can’t and call me “crazy.” God, I hate that. I’m not crazy. I have a mental illness. I can’t believe people who supposedly love me would say these things, but what can I do about it? I’ll have to stay in a hotel or something. I really don’t want to live out of the car or check into a homeless shelter, but there’s no way I can keep this up until the 1st of the month.
I really have no idea what I’m going to do. I guess I could see if one of my friends would let me stay with them for a little while, but most of them are way out of state. I don’t want to get stranded far away from home. Then again, why not? There’s nothing for me here really. No job, estranged family, no girlfriend, no business. I’m just familiar with this and know how to get around here best.
All I wanted was to go to college start a career and live. Everything that I try fails. I didn’t want anything that’s on my plate right now. I guess I will, indeed, be driving back and forth, to and fro throughout the Philadelphia region. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but it’s God’s will.
I feel a little like Job. Everything’s been taken from me. Satan wants me to curse God’s name and I haven’t done that yet. I know that His eye is on the sparrow and He knows this sparrow is a good guy at the end of the day.
I’m forced to live by the hymn “We’ll understand It Better By and By.” It’s not all there for me to figure out right now. God will make a way. I am confident He will.