Far from timid • Caveat Lector

Fiction Series: The Truth Between Friends - Part 1

Fiction Series: The Truth Between Friends - Part 1

Should I tell her the entire truth or to skip some parts of the last 8 months of my life? I am so confused. I am in such a tough place and to be honest, I don’t know where it all went wrong. I don’t know where I lost myself. I don’t know when I allowed it to get this bad. I need to talk to someone. Anyone. I’m not sure how much longer I can put up with this act. I just want to tell the entire story and get it off my chest; I just want to tell someone. I am about to lose the love of my life because I can’t, no scratch that; I refuse to let go of some people.

Amber called me at the perfect time. We have been friends for over 20 years; twenty adventurous years.  The last couple of years have been a communication struggle with her moving all over the country. She is one of those people who will not judge you for anything but will tell you about yourself in a heartbeat.  I needed her back in my life. She came back to Dallas just in time.

She called me a couple of days ago to chat and immediately knew something was wrong; everyone else just thought I had the flu. I haven’t painted in days and my work is backing up. I can’t sleep and honestly I am just letting the days pass by. I want this hurt to be over. I want to go back to the days where Alex was the only man who mattered to me. Back to where we were happy and flying back and forth to see each other. I start to cry. Even thinking about him made me cry. I can’t believe I fucked up this bad.

After three days of being between the couch and bed, I finally get up and shower. I didn’t want Amber to ingest my funk. I shampoo my hair while I shower and I cry again. Alex made love to me in here, dozens of times. He shampooed my hair, placed the wettest, sloppiest kisses all over me; I giggled because he knew how ticklish I was, yet, he did it anyway.

“Anything to hear your laughter,” he would always tell me.

I have no idea how I am going to come back from this. Everything hurts. Every part of me misses him and every part of me knows that it is my fault. Amber would help me figure this out, hopefully. I’m not sure I can go the rest of my life without him.

I get out the shower and glance in the mirror.  I look like shit; my eyes are swollen and red. I have been crying for three days straight, I’m surprised I can even open my eyes. I throw on a shirt Alex left at my house and inhale his scent. I miss him. I don’t even bother to moisturize my body.

Knock. Knock.

“Girl, open the door.” Amber yells.

I walk to the door and open it. She crosses the threshold of my house.

“Well you look like shit, I brought food and alcohol because I know your ass hasn’t eaten in days. What in the hell happened to you?” She says as she walks around the house, getting herself familiar with my space. She finally finds the kitchen and starts to bring out the food she brought. She pulls out subs from Publix, cookies, salads, and fruit from the bags. Suddenly my stomach reminds me that I haven’t eaten in days.

“Sooooo are you going to tell me or do I need to beat it out of you? And where are your mixes, we are gonna have margaritas?”

I start to laugh at her. I missed her.

“Look in the fridge, there is some stuff in the pantry also.”

I go into the living room and wait on Amber to finish making us lunch. I can’t remember the last meal I’ve eaten.  I begin to cry again. I can’t believe this was happening to me. Amber comes in and sits next to me on the couch and hands me a plate filled with a sub and fruit. She places my margarita on the coffee table.

“So are you going to cry the entire time I’m here or are we going to fix it? I can’t ask you to be the godmother of my child and you look like this.”

“WAIT?!? You’re pregnant?” I finally look close at her; I see the slight swell of her belly and the glow. She has that pregnancy glow. My heart swells. Amber has been trying to get pregnant for at least two years and I am glad she finally got there.

“Wait, I know you aren’t drinking?”

“Tasha, it’s a virgin margarita, calm your britches.”

“Oh, and yes I will love to be the god mom, when I get my life together.”

"Yes back to your raggedy life. Tell me what happened.”

“Alex caught me fucking another man.”

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