The Truth About: Carmelo Anthony
“Ayo ma, let me holla at you. Word? Fuck you then bitch…” – Cornballs
That’s how ALL of you idiots sound when talking about Carmelo Anthony. People call Carmelo Anthony overrated, (which is weird because I never see anyone sing his praises) and pretend to hate him because he plays for a bad franchise in New York. When Melo hit the free agent market, every team with cap space wanted him and fans of those teams were making memes in which they placed their team uniform on Melo. So you people can shut up and I will tell the truth about Carmelo Anthony.
Carmelo Anthony is not as good as LeBron James. Carmelo Anthony is not as good as Dwyane Wade. By the way, these two guys who had to team up to win rings and Wade won another on a veteran TEAM with a declining but productive Shaq. Somehow, the expectation is for Carmelo to achieve TEAM success alone; cool. I didn’t mention Chris Bosh (hope he gets well soon) because he’s not a better basketball player than Melo; shut up. Those are 3 of the top 5 in what’s debated as the best draft class of the modern era teaming up to win but hey, Carmelo has to do it alone.
Paul Pierce is known as a “clutch” & winning player, who will deservedly go to the Hall of Fame. Let me tell all of you a secret; Paul Pierce was a fucking LOSER without Ray Ray (my uncle’s favorite player & he calls him this) Allen & Kevin Garnett. Sure, the Celtics got to the ECF in his 3rd year (with all-star Antoine Walker) but look at the rest of Pierce’s career. He started out missing the playoffs his 1st 3 seasons (Carmelo didn’t miss the playoffs until he got to NY) then Pierce & the Celtics made it to the ECF (with all-star Antoine Walker), followed by getting swept by the Nets in the 2nd round, getting swept by the Pacers in the 1st round and losing in 7 in the 1st round to the aforementioned Pacers. Then proceeded to miss the playoffs 2 years in a row before acquiring 2 HOF players and ushering in this current Big 3 NBA Era we seem stuck in. Paul Pierce was a perpetual LOSER but the narrative changed because of his TEAMMATES & COACH. Oh and I watched Fat Fuck Raymond Felton shut down Paul Pierce in a playoff series. But hey, Carmelo has to do it alone.
Now, let’s be clear; I’m not excusing Carmelo Anthony for not winning, I’m telling the truth as to why he’s labeled a loser. See what new age NBA fans tend to do is equate individual success/failure to team success/failure and while an individual can be a majority contributor to either/or no 1 individual in NBA history is solely responsible in either scenario. By the way, Paul Pierce’s numbers make Carmelo Anthony look like the best player of all-time in comparison. Sure, some may say Pierce was a better defender than Melo but was he really, or was it when the Celtics acquired KG and had Doc Rivers and Tom Thibodeu coaching, did their TEAM defense became amazing? I’ll again ask this basketball question; not ESPN highlights or Twitter.com/stupidity question. Name an NBA Champion in the last 35 years in which the team did not have at least 2 all-star to superstar players and/or great head coaching/great team defense? But yes, Carmelo is the exception and has to do it alone.
I’ve been to more Knicks games in my life than anybody I know that doesn’t cover the team for a living. And without blinking I can tell you that their problems do not start nor end with Carmelo Anthony. Let’s just look at facts; from the 2000-01 NBA season until Carmelo Anthony’s arrival, the Knicks won 48, 30, 37, 39, 33, 23, 32 & 29 games (I want to vomit). Then we signed Amar’e Stoudemire (who I was ESTATIC to have) and had some “pieces” (whom you couldn’t pick out of a motherfucking lineup if their names were tatted on their faces). Amar’e was playing out of his mind and honestly was the MVP of the 1st half of the season in 2010-2011 but the greatest lie the devil ever told were that the Knicks were somehow contenders in this period. The Knicks, MY Knicks were 28-26; can you all just shut the fuck up with that bullshit lie now?
So you want to say trading for Melo instead of waiting for free agency handicapped the Knicks? FAIR argument but consider this; Denver was not letting him get away for nothing and the Brooklyn Nets were sitting right there to steal him from us. That’s me being an optimistic Knick fan (oxymoron); the truth is Donnie Walsh didn’t want to make the deal & like so many times before, Dolan stuck his dumb ass nose where it had no business being but he signs the checks and we got Melo. NOBODY was more excited than me; we had a bona fide SUPERSTAR. Amar’e was great but he didn’t create his own shots, wasn’t a marquee name to really build around. Was Melo-Amar’e pairing a good fit? On paper that looks like over 50ppg and if you know the Knicks like I know the Knicks, you’d sign your left testicle over for that.
The Knicks were building towards a contender. Fat Fuck Ray Felton (who we ended up getting back), Wilson Chandler (was a favorite of mine but is this guy ever healthy?), Danillo Gallinari (Carmelo Anthony if Carmelo Anthony was never healthy and scored 8-10 points less per game), Timofey Mozgoz (who was a rookie and Blake Griffin’s co-star in numerous posters). Also, the Knicks sent a 2014 1st round pick (Doug McDermott) to the Nuggets but if we trade for a superstar, are we planning to be lottery bound? I know people love to evaluate trades the minute after they’re made. Now, tell the TRUTH, which one of these players or what combo of them is worth Carmelo Anthony? Shut the fuck up, you’re lying again. The Knicks NEEDED a superstar and as impetuous as our owner was, most of us were happy to super elated.
With Melo in the fold for half that season, we made the playoffs for the 1st time in 6 seasons. We got swept the Paul Pierce, Ray Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett-led Celtics but was it Carmelo Anthony’s fault? Amar’e Stoudemire hurt himself on the motherfucking layup line in pregame warm-ups. Why am I a Knicks fan again? Billups was also injured in game 1 of that series. What Melo do? 42 points 17 rebounds 6 assists in a game 2 we had won until Ray Ray Allen hit a dagger 3 and Jared Jeffries was doing Jeffries like things. I mean look at his face; how was Melo supposed to win? Knicks got swept, I’ll let y’all tell it and tell the lie that Melo got swept. Superstars take the blame, all good. I mean we had a really good coach right? The great Mike D’Antoni and his Pringles logo face.
The devil was busy that off-season because there was a lockout and the Knicks acquired my arch-nemesis Tyson Chandler but the only TC we acknowledge is Tommy Campos. So now we have a frontcourt of Melo, Amar’e & Chandler (who won Defensive Player of the Year). The Knicks made the playoffs again and lost to the eventual champion Heat but let’s get to the meat of that season. Lin-sanity happened; Jeremy Lin of games/excitement that came out of nowhere and people, including this dimwitted coach were trying to push the Knicks to trade Melo and build around Lin because he fit the system. I ever tell you people how much I hate Mike D’Antoni? The system in which our head coach said, “Who cares if we play defense? We’ll win if we score more than the other team.” Well, reality sunk in and Lin-sanity got exposed time and time again for his lack of a left hand and terrible defense. Lin was so bad that he played himself and said he was injured during the playoffs because he knew the Heat would expose him and he’d lose money in free agency. Fuck Jeremy Lin and the Volvo he rode in on. We fired that idiot D’Antoni, Mike Woodson takes over and we go 18-6 under him while we were 18-24 under Pringles face. Don’t tell me coaching doesn’t matter. We also acquired J.R. Smith when his overseas obligations were up. How is any of this Melo’s fault again? Did I mention Amar’e punched a fire hydrant and injured himself during the playoffs? But it’s all Melo’s fault.
I can’t believe I voluntarily cheer for this team. So fast-forward to the next season, we got Jason Kidd, who everybody laughed at us for acquiring, (while the Lakers acquired Steve Nash who played 65 terrible games in 2 seasons with them), Rasheed Wallace, Marcus Camby, Steve Novak, Kenyon Martin, Kurt Thomas, Pablo Prigioni and reacquiring Fat Fuck Felton (who played like a borderline all-star). None of these names jump off the page at you but we were basketball smart and surrounded Melo with veteran leadership and savvy players who knew how to do basketball things. The Knicks went 54-28, won the division and barely won a round but for the 1st time in 13 seasons advanced to the 2nd round. Seriously, how am I still a Knicks fan? Coming off this EPIC season and yes, a 2nd round appearance is epic; I need a psychiatrist. The Knicks stop doing basketball things and start doing Knicks things but as a fan I was so drunk off the Kool-Aid I thought everything was all-good. We traded Steve Novak, Marcus Camby and a 2016 1st round pick (I mean who needs a pick when we just won 54 wins right?) I fucking hate the Knicks, for Bargnani. THIS IS WHO CARMELO ANTHONY IS SUPPOSED TO WIN WITH? REALLY? STOP FUCKING LYING.
Over the next 3 seasons the Carmelo-led Knicks have gone 83-163, with records of 34-48 (a season in which Melo actually played better than the 54 win campaign) 17-65 (in which Melo was injured and sat out the 2nd half of the season) and 32-50 (in which we just looked like dickheads aka the Knicks). Gone was Iman Shumpert, a moody player who thinks he’s way better than he is. Gone was J.R. Smith who won 6th man of the Year during the 54-win season because he was on a contract year; he got paid and started doing J.R. Smith things. Of course they’re now both in Cleveland with LBJ and people will point at Melo and say how come he couldn’t win with them? I don’t know, maybe Carmelo Anthony isn’t as good as LeBron James (I guess this is breaking news) or maybe the Cavs have Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love while the Knicks had Haitian Samuel Dalembert (who we traded Tyson Chandler away for) and Quincy Acy. But Carmelo Anthony is supposed to win with this fucking garbage; nobody else in the league is given more expectation with less than this guy. Hold up, you sign for the money you signed for and you are going to take the blame but let’s examine some truth here.
Everybody got paid and stopped listening to Mike Woodson (I’m looking at Earl Smith Jr.). Amar’e turned into a seamstress and was the NBA’s 1st ever power shooting guard. Carmelo just played balled with no fucking help whatsoever. Carmelo has been coached by Mike D’Antoni (unemployed), Mike Woodson (Clippers assistant), Derek Fisher (Vh1 Basketball Wives extra) & Kurt Rambis (Phil Jackson Doppelgänger). But Carmelo was supposed to win being coached by these people? Word? Think, list, Google or whatever the names of all of Melo’s teammates since he’s been a Knick, you’re going to laugh or vomit on your own feet like I just did.
The truth about Melo is that he was fucked the moment he decided to sign an extension with Denver instead of waiting and opting out like his draft classmates did and I can almost guarantee you that Chris Bosh would be a Knick and Melo would have been a Miami Heat player or al 4 of them would have joined forces. The truth about Carmelo Anthony is that he takes dumb ass shots in the dumbest situations but when your options are Alex Shved and Shane Larkin; Melo shooting doesn’t seem all that bad. The truth about Melo is that he can play this public relations card of loyalty all he wants but he signed back with us because his wife probably looked at him and said, “Are you stupid? Unless you’re going to San Antonio, OKC, Cleveland or Golden State; you’re going to take this 124 million and be a loser.” And Carmelo Anthony is a loser, to know fault of his own, it’s because he chose to stay on the New York Knicks and figured I might as well get paid to be here for this shit show. The truth about Melo is that no player in NBA history has ever won by themselves and not 1 player in the history of this league would be expected to be a “winner” with the cards Melo has been dealt. The truth is the New York Knicks care about making money because they are an attraction in NYC and sellout every game regardless if they win 17 or 54 games. The truth is Carmelo Anthony is no more than an Instagram model who gets paid to “host” a party where the promoters know they’ll be able to overcharge patrons for access, liquor and food. Carmelo Anthony is a prop on the flyer.
The truth is I want to go cry now because James Dolan is a pimp and Carmelo Anthony is his high-priced call girl. The Knicks stunk before Melo, they stink during and will stink after and I stink because I smell like my own vomit. I’d say Carmelo deserves better but he’s getting paid $124,000,000 to be here; I’m here for free, send help because I deserve better.
Next week I tell the truth about my 2nd favorite player of all-time (Scottie Pippen is my favorite) Reggie "I'm only a Hall of Famer because John Starks was a Knick" Miller.